My motivation to lose weight still has a steely resolve and I’ll tell you why.
As I was going through the Kenpo motions today I had flashbacks of doing sports as a kid. Pure humiliation comes to mind.
As a kid I was short and fat, had the chubbiest legs you could imagine and to heighten my sense of humiliation I had to wear baggy blue rompers that had an elastic band for the waist and elastic bands for the thighs. They would cut in above the bulge on my thighs and balloon out. On top of that I had to wear a T-Shirt that had a bulls-eye on the front. As if I wasn’t enough of a moving target for jibes and jeers.
I was always last in running races. I felt like a racing seal pup. All blubber and arms and legs flailing everywhere. I could see all my friends sprinting ahead in the distance and I knew no matter how hard I tried I would always be last. I hated school sports days so much. This is not a PE class. This is when the whole school competes with each other and all the parents come to cheer their kids on. I always felt so ashamed in front of mine. I knew they didn’t care where I came in the races. But I did.
By the time I went to high school I had mastered some pretty nifty techniques on how to get out of sports days. Diarrhea was always a good one. Who’s really going to check? Period pains were never questioned either.
But I’ll always remember the worst thing I ever did to myself to get out of a X-Country race. I hated running so much and the idea of running really fast for a long period of time was excrutiating. I’d already worn out all my previous excuses. The PE teachers had my MO all worked out.
So the morning of the race I took a hairbrush to my ankle and beat myself repeatedly with it until it swelled up so bad it looked like a sprained ankle.
I took that ankle to the PE teacher and naturally was declared unfit to run.
Being fat as a kid is not OK. Being fat as a teenager is not OK. Being fat as an adult is bearable – but it’s still not OK.
I have lived with the burden of my weight my whole life.
I am tired of not living freely because of my weight. I’m tired of being self conscious. Even today I had a jibe thrown my way. I was playing tennis with my husband and two youths passed by the back of the fence and as they got near me they yelled out, “You Suck!”
My husband asked me if that was going to ruin my day. Funnily enough that was the perfect question to ask me. In the past I probably would have ‘owned’ that comment and let it ruin a gorgeous day. But today I felt different. I had a feeling that in 84 days no-one will ever yell abuse at me for the way I look ever again.
My motivation to lose weight is about never having to go through the indignity of feeling embarrassed about my body again.
This time the weight is coming off and it’s coming off for good!
I’ve been dieting since the age of 10. If you read my first blog I shared with you an incident of drinking Apple Shampoo to lose weight. I know a LOT about stupid diets. Sadly this is one of the biggest industries in the world because it is such a powerfully emotional issue. So much of our self-esteem is tied up in the way we look and so many people prey on our vulnerability.
So that’s why, this time around I am NOT dieting!!! I am DONE with diets and having some skinny guru tell me how to do it.
Do you remember Anna Kournikova on The Biggest Loser? I didn’t get to see too much of her but I saw one episode and I just wanted to slap her! Forgive me but I did! She was so NASTY!
I don’t know if she’s ever been overweight and could tap into the raw emotions felt by those plagued with weight issues. And if she couldn’t she never should have been put on the show. Jillian Michaels on the other hand has ‘been there.’ And that’s why we LOVED her. She knows what it’s like, the sadness and sometimes pure desperation we feel.
So for me, this time around is about no skinny wannabe telling me how to do it, no fad dieting, no drinking shakes till I puke, no cabbage soup diets, no starvation diets, no stupid vibrating bands, no diet pills, no stomach swelling pills, no scales and no body measuring.
NO WAY!!! This time it’s all natural. If I feel good and I know I’m putting in 100% with my exercise and I’m not drinking alcohol and I’m not cheating on my food plan then that’s good enough for me.
I’ve done the ‘weighing myself every day thing.’ It’s not healthy!
If I’m putting in 100% and I’m being honest all the way, that’s good enough for me. My jeans will tell me how I’m doing. And after 90 days the mirror will tell me how I’m doing.
Think about it. Fit, normal, healthy people don’t weigh themselves every day. They don’t grab a tape measure to see if they’ve lost weight. So why should I?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt so happy about my progress, only to jump on the scales and felt defeated when the scaled moved minimally. Sometimes the needle even moved UP!
So what do you think I did then? All motivation to lose weight gone on 60 seconds! Straight to the comfort food and my vicious cycle starts again.
NOT THIS TIME!!!
Join me! Throw away your scales and your tape measures and your crappy shakes and pills. Go natural with me.
Learn how to eat properly. See a nutritionist if you need to.
It’s pretty simple really if you think about it.
You need veges and fruit and grains and protein and a bit of dairy.
What you don’t need is flour and sugar and FAT!!!
Buy a book on nutrition. Educate yourself on how to eat. It’s sad how many people have no idea what’s in their food.
I have a simple way to think about food – if God made it, eat it! This is a whole other subject and I’ll cover it another blog.
But let me leave you with one beautiful message inspired by the 1970’s Kung Fu series with David Carradine.
“Grasshopper, be yourself. And never fear thus to be naked to the eyes of others. Yet, know that man so often masks himself. That what is simple is rarely understood. The dust of truth swirls, and seeks its own cracks of entry. And a tree falling in the forest, without ears to hear, makes no sound. Yet it falls.” ~ Master Po
Have you found your motivation to lose weight yet?
To see where all this began you can catch up by reading my first blog.