My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 5 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | Living Whilst Dieting

My motivation to lose weight in the past has always come undone with “life” getting in the way.

So many times I’ve said to myself, “I can’t do XYZ because I’m on a diet.” I would put my life on hold whilst I immersed myself in the latest ‘fad’ diet not letting anything distract me.

motivation to lose weight
This Is Fun! NOT!!!

It’s no wonder that my motivation to lose weight would weaken and disintegrate into yet another failed diet, because I was DEPRIVING myself of LIVING! Forget the food I was depriving myself of – I was depriving myself of being alive!

And I think this is one of the biggest problems we face when we start dieting. We start cutting out so much of what we love to do, in order to focus on something we don’t love to do. Which is dieting!

So this time around, I’m choosing to find a way to incorporate ‘living’ into my P90X 90 Day Challenge.

So I went out to dinner AND a movie.

Now that may not sound like a big deal but believe me it is. Dinner always starts with Martini’s, chased down by a bottle of wine or two and some food thrown in for good measure with no consideration to calories or nutritional content. More to soak up the alcohol!

And then movies are not complete without popcorn, choc topped icecream and M&M’s. That’s a movie night.

So armed with my new motivation to lose weight being an image of Lara Croft now plastered on my fridge and as the wallpaper on Matilda (that’s my Mac), I was emboldened to venture out and keep my resolve.

And you know what? It wasn’t that hard. It’s amazing how sparkling water with a squeeze of fresh lime and a sliver of imagination can taste like a Mojito. Especially if you ask for it in a cocktail glass!

And as for the movies (Sherlock Holmes – so cool!), I took a big pack of gum with me so my mouth had something to do.

You see, for me this 90 day challenge is about noticing how I sabotage myself and finding ways to circumvent that. It’s the patterns that I’ve always done that need to be broken. But first I need to be aware of them.

I also have another motivation to lose weight and it’s not just about me. It’s about everyone out there who has ever struggled with a weight problem, no matter how big or how small.

If you read my first blog you know how many ridiculous ways I’ve tried to lose weight and some of the humiliations I’ve faced. There are more and as the days go by I’ll share them with you.

But my greatest sadness comes from knowing that there are so many things I won’t do because I feel I am too fat to do them.

I won’t go to the beach because the cellulite on my legs embarrasses me so much. I haven’t worn a skirt since high school because I hate the shape of my legs so much. And forget about dresses! Going into changing rooms makes me cry because I can’t fit into clothes that I think are the right size for me. I always wear baggy clothes to hide my shape. I won’t ride a bike because I am embarrassed about the size of my butt. I basically won’t do anything that requires my body to jiggle and draw attention to itself. Think of all the things that cuts out! But worst of all, is that deep down I feel like I’m not good enough because I’ve never conquered my weight problem.

And I know I’m not alone on this one.

How many of us are not living our lives fully because we suffer from issues regarding our weight?

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you did lose all the weight that you think is holding you back?

Well I have. And for the first time in my life, gosh darn it, I’m REALLY GOING FOR IT!!!

That’s why I am committing to blog every single day for the next 90 days about my journey. My highs and lows will all be recorded right here. And I know there’ll be some lows. Because in the past my motivation to lose weight normally fades around week 3. I find some excuse to quit and promise to try again later.

But this time is different. I am committed to following my P90X 90 Day Challenge to the letter. No cheating on any accounts. And if per chance I do cheat, then I have to blog about it.

But my motivation to lose weight is morphing into a deep longing to prove that for once and for all, I CAN DO THIS! And if I DO do this, then ANYONE CAN!

And at the end of 90 days, when I’ve got my results I’m going to find a way to reach as many people as I can and help them get the results they’ve always wanted as well.

Thank you for reading my blog. If you have any stories you’d like to share please leave a comment below. I’d love to know your motivation to lose weight.

And if you enjoyed this blog please remember to click ‘like’.

See you tomorrow.




My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 8 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | Temptation Is All Around Me

motivation to lose weight
How Good Does This Look?

My motivation to lose weight is being challenged by a big fat juicy pizza!

I burn Lavender Essential Oils in the house and it’s having a hard time competing with the mouth watering aroma of a Meat Lovers pizza!

Smells are such a trigger aren’t they? My motivation to lose weight is experiencing a subtle attack through the senses.

To me the smell of pizza makes me think of good times; movie nights snuggled on the couch, Monday night football, summer days on the beach and late night midnight snacks after a big night out. All blissfully happy moments. And let’s be real here, a slice of pizza isn’t going to kill anyone.

But it’s not part of my eating plan for the next 82 days so I need to disassociate these triggers of good times and make new associations.

In the past I would think nothing of inhaling three slices of pizza at the speed of light. Only at the end of my demolition would I savor the salty after taste of anchovies and olives.

But things are different now. My motivation to lose weight must reign supreme and I must associate good feelings with healthy nutritious foods.

Here’s one yummy food tip I’ll give you that I am hooked on right now.

Grab a bowl and scoop in 1 cup of low-fat natural yogurt, drizzle with 1 tablespoon of honey and sprinkle with a handful of chopped walnuts. YUM!!!

And incidentally according to WebMD Health News, “adding yogurt to your diet may rev up your body’s fat-burning engines, speed weight loss, and trim your tummy … Researchers found that obese adults who ate three servings of fat-free yogurt a day as part of a reduced-calorie diet lost 22% more weight and 61% more body fat than those who simply cut calories and didn’t bone up on calcium. Yogurt eaters also lost 81% more fat in the stomach area than non-yogurt eaters.”

Now if that’s not a good enough reason to eat yogurt I don’t know what is.

So it’s about finding new yummy healthy food triggers. Now when I see a tub of low-fat natural yogurt I start to drool like I used to with a big fat juicy pizza. It’s just a different mind-set.

So how do you put a new mind-set into action?

Learn to associate PLEASURE with the foods that are going to keep your motivation to lose weight in check and learn to associate PAIN to the foods that are going to sabotage your motivation to lose weight.

It’ll be worth it in the long run.


What’s YOUR motivation to lose weight?

Comment below and if you enjoyed this post please remember to click ‘like’. Spread the love ;  )

If you missed the blog that started all this CLICK HERE.



My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 7 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | And On The 7th Day She Rests

My motivation to lose weight faced a challenge today. It was a rest day but it was an emotional roller coaster of a day. I won’t go into details as we all have our “off” days.

motivation to lose weight

On previous attempts to diet my motivation to lose weight would evaporate and I would have used this as an excuse to reach out for the Chocolate Mallow Puffs and had a good old scoff.

But what does that really solve?

I am a great one for “stuffing down” my emotions. I think that’s why I always go for the Mallow Puffs. They’re so fluffy. I stuff a whole one in my mouth so I can hardly breathe. What would Louise Hay make of that?

And then the vicious cycle of self loathing perpetuates itself.

I have no motivation to lose weight at all when I feel like this. In the past I have always reached for the chocolate when I’m miserable to make me feel better. I feel better momentarily. A quick little sugar high. Then I crash and feel like crap. So it’s better just to feel like crap and skip the cocoa rush and just go through the crappy feelings. Because that’s where you end up again anyway!

So what to do instead?

For me, Sunday was about being true to me and loving myself and just going with the emotional upheaval in my day. I had to hold on to my motivation to lose weight because guess what??? I know that there’s always going to be some crap happening in my life at some point. That’s life!

And guess what. The crappy feelings passed and I came out the other side feeling stronger for it. My motivation to lose weight is about honesty and blogging about my journey daily. Oh, and of course I still want to look like Lara Croft from Tomb Raider at the end of 90 days ;  )

So, just a small word of advice from someone who’s going through a bit of crap right now. Stay away from the refrigerator and stay away from the pantry. There’s nothing in there that’s going to make you feel good long term. Lord knows I know that!

For 33 years I’ve been seeking comfort at the bottom of a Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey container. After years of digging I’ve never found it down there.

But today I did manage to find it on my balcony, just being at one with myself and my problems and knowing that “this too shall pass.” And it did.

So have you decided what YOUR motivation to lose weight is yet?

If you enjoyed this post please remember to ‘like’ it or leave a comment. It only takes a few seconds to share the love :  )

My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 6 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | Hear Me Grasshopper

My motivation to lose weight still has a steely resolve and I’ll tell you why.

As I was going through the Kenpo motions today I had flashbacks of doing sports as a kid. Pure humiliation comes to mind.

As a kid I was short and fat, had the chubbiest legs you could imagine and to heighten my sense of humiliation I had to wear baggy blue rompers that had an elastic band for the waist and elastic bands for the thighs. They would cut in above the bulge on my thighs and balloon out. On top of that I had to wear a T-Shirt that had a bulls-eye on the front. As if I wasn’t enough of a moving target for jibes and jeers.

I was always last in running races. I felt like a racing seal pup. All blubber and arms and legs flailing everywhere. I could see all my friends sprinting ahead in the distance and I knew no matter how hard I tried I would always be last. I hated school sports days so much. This is not a PE class. This is when the whole school competes with each other and all the parents come to cheer their kids on. I always felt so ashamed in front of mine. I knew they didn’t care where I came in the races. But I did.

By the time I went to high school I had mastered some pretty nifty techniques on how to get out of sports days.  Diarrhea was always a good one. Who’s really going to check? Period pains were never questioned either.

But I’ll always remember the worst thing I ever did to myself to get out of a X-Country race. I hated running so much and the idea of running really fast for a long period of time was excrutiating. I’d already worn out all my previous excuses. The PE teachers had my MO all worked out.

So the morning of the race I took a hairbrush to my ankle and beat myself repeatedly with it until it swelled up so bad it looked like a sprained ankle.

I took that ankle to the PE teacher and naturally was declared unfit to run.

Being fat as a kid is not OK. Being fat as a teenager is not OK. Being fat as an adult is bearable – but it’s still not OK.

I have lived with the burden of my weight my whole life.

I am tired of not living freely because of my weight. I’m tired of being self conscious. Even today I had a jibe thrown my way. I was playing tennis with my husband and two youths passed by the back of the fence and as they got near me they yelled out, “You Suck!”

My husband asked me if that was going to ruin my day. Funnily enough that was the perfect question to ask me. In the past I probably would have ‘owned’ that comment and let it ruin a gorgeous day. But today I felt different. I had a feeling that in 84 days no-one will ever yell abuse at me for the way I look ever again.

My motivation to lose weight is about never having to go through the indignity of feeling embarrassed about my body again.

This time the weight is coming off and it’s coming off for good!

I’ve been dieting since the age of 10. If you read my first blog I shared with you an incident of drinking Apple Shampoo to lose weight. I know a LOT about stupid diets. Sadly this is one of the biggest industries in the world because it is such a powerfully emotional issue. So much of our self-esteem is tied up in the way we look and so many people prey on our vulnerability.

So that’s why, this time around I am NOT dieting!!! I am DONE with diets and having some skinny guru tell me how to do it.

motivation to lose weight

Do you remember Anna Kournikova on The Biggest Loser? I didn’t get to see too much of her but I saw one episode and I just wanted to slap her! Forgive me but I did! She was so NASTY!

I don’t know if she’s ever been overweight and could tap into the raw emotions felt by those plagued with weight issues. And if she couldn’t she never should have been put on the show. Jillian Michaels on the other hand has ‘been there.’ And that’s why we LOVED her. She knows what it’s like, the sadness and sometimes pure desperation we feel.

So for me, this time around is about no skinny wannabe telling me how to do it, no fad dieting, no drinking shakes till I puke, no cabbage soup diets, no starvation diets, no stupid vibrating bands, no diet pills, no stomach swelling pills, no scales and no body measuring.

NO WAY!!! This time it’s all natural. If I feel good and I know I’m putting in 100% with my exercise and I’m not drinking alcohol and I’m not cheating on my food plan then that’s good enough for me.

I’ve done the ‘weighing myself every day thing.’ It’s not healthy!

If I’m putting in 100% and I’m being honest all the way, that’s good enough for me. My jeans will tell me how I’m doing. And after 90 days the mirror will tell me how I’m doing.

Think about it. Fit, normal, healthy people don’t weigh themselves every day. They don’t grab a tape measure to see if they’ve lost weight. So why should I?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt so happy about my progress, only to jump on the scales and felt defeated when the scaled moved minimally. Sometimes the needle even moved UP!

So what do you think I did then? All motivation to lose weight gone on 60 seconds! Straight to the comfort food and my vicious cycle starts again.


Join me! Throw away your scales and your tape measures and your crappy shakes and pills. Go natural with me.

Learn how to eat properly. See a nutritionist if you need to.

It’s pretty simple really if you think about it.

You need veges and fruit and grains and protein and a bit of dairy.

What you don’t need is flour and sugar and FAT!!!

Buy a book on nutrition. Educate yourself on how to eat. It’s sad how many people have no idea what’s in their food.

I have a simple way to think about food – if God made it, eat it! This is a whole other subject and I’ll cover it another blog.

But let me leave you with one beautiful message inspired by the 1970’s Kung Fu series with David Carradine.

motivation to lose weight

“Grasshopper, be yourself. And never fear thus to be naked to the eyes of others. Yet, know that man so often masks himself. That what is simple is rarely understood. The dust of truth swirls, and seeks its own cracks of entry. And a tree falling in the forest, without ears to hear, makes no sound. Yet it falls.” ~ Master Po


Have you found your motivation to lose weight yet?

To see where all this began you can catch up by reading my first blog.

My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 4 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | Twisted Triangle What???

motivation to lose weightI have an added motivation to lose weight. I want to look like Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. Ridiculous! Unrealistic? I don’t care!

She’s gorgeous! My motivation to lose weight ratcheted up a notch watching Angelina Jolie fly through the air and sommersault her way through the entire movie.

motivation to lose weightWhen I was younger I wanted to look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator. So much so that when I had my 30th birthday party I had my head photo-shopped onto her body and sent that out as the invitation. Looked pretty hot at the time! I even paid a personal trainer $75/hr to get me into shape. Didn’t happen. Another waste of money in a vain effort to lose weight and look amazing! Do you see any themes running though my role models? Looks like I just wanna kick butt and take no prisoners.

So today is Day 4 of my P90X 90 Day Challenge.

I recall in the past that Yoga was not my favorite part of the program and it’s still not.

Upward Dog, Downward Dog, Tree … my favorite is Corpse! At the end, exhausted and giddy I lay on the floor in a half dream like state. Actually for 60 seconds I did fall asleep and I had the weirdest vision of a man in a black cape. Don’t ask me what it means. I have no clue. My husband actually came over to make sure I was OK. So cute.

For me so far, the biggest challenge is actually the exercise itself. I really thought it would be the wine and the food. But I haven’t craved a glass of wine. Well, yes I’ve thought about how lovely it would be to sit out on the balcony overlooking the ocean having a chilled glass of Wither Hills Sav.

Our summer evenings are becoming quite heavenly. But I find a chilled glass of St Pellegrino with a dash of lime is quite refreshing! And to keep the Nutella Monster at bay I try and stay busy at night.

I think in the past one of the greatest things to sabotage my motivation to lose weight was getting bored in the evenings. I would snack out of boredom. And if I’d been drinking a glass or two of wine, then all motivation to lose weight flew right off the balcony. So quitting the wine, has reduced the cravings and the bingeing. Now all I need to do is keep being busy at night.

I’m still in incredible pain. My legs and my arms especially. I know this will pass as my body adapts to the routines. And then just when I get used to it all I know that the plan changes. Tony is so clever isn’t he? Just when your body gets used to something he goes and changes it all around so you can go and get all sore again ;  )

It’s all good. My motivation to lose weight is stronger than ever right now.

If you’re on your own journey of health and wellness I’d love to hear from you! Comment below or just click ‘like’.

A little love goes a long way ;  )


My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 3 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | Oh The Pain!

As I crawled out of bed this morning like a 90 year old woman, my motivation to lose weight again started to wane. This is not easy!

motivation to lose weightMy legs, my stomach, my arms – it all hurts! So bad.

This is going to be a quick blog, so do forgive me. Life beckons.

But I have this to share with you before I take off.

Half way through “Shoulders, Arms & Ab Ripper X” I wanted to just give up so badly. But what kept me going was knowing I had to blog about it today. I didn’t want to let myself down and I didn’t want to have to admit to the world that I failed on Day 3.

If it wasn’t for this blog I know I would have been half hearted with my exercise today. But this blog kept me going. It’s my  motivation to lose weight now.

As for my diet, all is good in this department. Not really following any particular diet, just making healthy food choices each day.

All I can say is thank you for being here. If you want to share this journey with me leave a comment or simple ‘like’ this post. I’d love to know what YOUR motivation to lose weight is.

If you missed the first blog about my story and why I’m doing this you can CHECK IT HERE.



My Motivation To Lose Weight | Day 2 of P90X 90 Day Challenge | I just want to puke!

My motivation to lose weight dwindles in a wave of nausea.

motivation to lose weight
Fat Cat's Don't Jump!

Day 2 of my P90X 90 Day Challenge is Plyometrics.

“Jump like a cat,” says Tony. Not all cats are designed to jump. I’m limping like an elephant by the end of 60 minutes. Not pretty. But hey! I didn’t quit.

My pulse is through the roof, I’m beetroot red, I feel like I’m going to faint! My motivation to lose weight is all but gone as I gasp for air! So painful to breathe right now. Seriously, I want to throw up!

But I also feel euphoric. I’ve made it through 60 minutes of Tony’s excruciatingly painful routine. So many times before I’ve lost my motivation to lose weight and quit. I’ve said, “it’s OK, I’ll make it up next time.” But I never do.

And I notice that I do this with myself a lot. I’m so disciplined when it comes to work and other people’s expectations. But when it comes to doing what’s right by me, personally, I tend to let things slide. Why would I do that?

I mentioned in a previous blog that this P90X 90 Day Challenge is not so much about the destination. It’s more about the journey and noticing the patterns that have continually thwarted my health and wellness success.

The difference this time is that my motivation to lose weight is all about honesty. I believe it’s my honesty that’s going to unravel a few mysteries for me.

Oh, and I made it through the night without a glass of wine, or a sweet scoop of Nutella. So, for 24 hours I’ve stuck with my P90X 90 Day Challenge 100%.

Off for a walk on the beach now with my Beachbody Husband.

Catch you tomorrow!

My Motivation To Lose Weight | P90X 90 Day Challenge | Day 1

I don’t know if you caught my blog yesterday but I wrote honestly for the first time ever about my motivation to lose weight. Here’s a little excerpt …

My motivation to lose weight comes from being sick and tired of making excuses for putting off authentically enjoying life to the fullest. My motivation to lose weight comes from being sick and tired of feeling as if I live my life on the fringes as opposed to in the midst of it all.

motivation to lose weightSo today was the first day of my P90X 90 Day Challenge. You may recall the results my husband got with P90X. Absolutely outstanding. So now it’s my turn.

The day started out great with a delicious cook up of scrambled egg whites, with tomatoes, spinach and feta cheese. Felt so inspired just preparing all the healthy, vibrant, nutritious, fresh foods. Doesn’t feel like a diet at all.

I made sure my visualizations and affirmations were all in place … then off I went to the in-house gym, aka the spare room, and hit play on “Chest, Back & Ab Ripper X.”

On the second round I was seriously questioning my motivation to lose weight. It sounds so glamorous to have these lofty goals, but when you get down to it, it’s just bloody tough work. Both physically, mentally and emotionally.

Maybe that’s why I’ve quit at losing weight so many times. It’s just all got too hard. Then I start to tell myself that I’m happy the way I am, people love me the way I am, it’s all OK.

Well gosh darn it! Not this time!

I’ve managed to make it through the day without sneaking a naughty snack, I’ve not had a glass of wine and I only have a few hours till bed time left. I should be OK.

If I’m not, you’ll hear about it tomorrow. I promise. This time, my motivation to lose weight is all about being HONEST with myself and others.

I’m not going to take any measurements, record any weigh-in or show any half naked body shots (well, maybe at the end if I’m bold enough). For me this is more about the journey than the destination. I know that if I follow the program to the letter and do not cheat then whatever results I get are the ones I am supposed to get.

There’s a few things I need to re-learn. Namely delicious, nutritious eating for health’s sake instead of “mad stuffing of face” for gluttony’s sake. The very mention of the word diet can send me into a feeding frenzy.

I need to re-learn how it is to love exercise instead of seeing it as a punishment. I must say, half way through Ab Ripper X I just wanted to pass out from the pain! But then I just need to see the results my husband got to know it’s all worth it!

So I shall sign off for tonight and will see you again tomorrow.

Again, if you’d like to comment feel free to drop me a line. I’d love to hear your story and what your motivation to lose weight is. Maybe we can support each other …


My Motivation To Lose Weight | P90X 90 Day Challenge

My motivation to lose weight comes from being sick and tired of making excuses for putting off authentically enjoying life to the fullest.

Oct 2011 - Apt 3DMy motivation to lose weight comes from being sick and tired of feeling as if I live my life on the fringes as opposed to in the midst of it all.

To give you a little background, I’ve been trying to lose the same 50 pounds for 33 years.

My motivation to lose weight started in school when a boy told me I was fat. So I swallowed a bottle of Apple Shampoo. Don’t ask me now why, but back in the day, it the latest craze for weight loss.

I just found a diary entry I wrote 10 years ago:

“It’s hard to believe that after 23 years of dieting I still haven’t achieved that elusive perfect body. After 23 years I am still waiting to start my life. How sad is it that I believe I need to be thin to be successful and happy? How many things do I chose not to do because I’m not thin? But where is my motivation to lose weight?”

I don’t know how you found this page, but if you’re reading this now I bet there’s a fair chance that you and I share a few common stories. You too are looking to find your motivation to lose weight. I pray that you find your motivation to lose weight here with me.

Let me share with you a few of the stupidest and most embarrassing things I’ve ever done to try and lose weight. Maybe you’ve done a few of them too. In no particular order …

1. My motivation to lose weight has seen me tie black garbage bags around my thighs believing I could sweat my fat off.

2. I’ve swallowed copious amounts of Chitosan believing that it would adhere to any fat that I ate and would be eliminated immediately.

My Motivation To Lose Weight

3. I’ve eaten only grapefruit for 10 days straight.

4. I’ve done the “Brown Bread Diet,” where you can eat whatever you want but only brown bread on every alternate day.

5. I’ve done Jenny Craig where I ended up with a healthy dose of bulimia that plagued me for more than 10 years.

6. I’ve done Weight Watchers that felt more like an AA meeting.

7. I’ve been wrapped up like a mummy and then told to walk up a flight of steps to the next floor to lie down and had a bunch of teenage boys laugh hysterically at me through the window from the top floor of McDonalds across the road.

My motivation to lose weight

8. I’ve done “The Cabbage Soup Diet.” Don’t even get me started.

9. I’ve bought those stupid vibrating bands that promise to exercise your muscles whilst you watch TV. Really? How dumb and desperate must I have been???

10. I’ve done Richard Simmons and Jane Fonda – dating myself aren’t I?

11. I’ve tried Naturopathy, Homeopathy & Hypnotherapy.

12. I was so desperate in my 20’s that I even tried Past Life Regression Therapy and was told that in a previous life I was a starving child … Of course! That explained everything!

13. I tried Herbalife until I puked.

My motivation to lose weight

14. I tried “The Cookie Diet.”

15. I tried Diet Pills.

16. I tried Gloria Marshall.

17. Acupuncture

18. Colonic Cleansing … and I could go on and on and on …

In a few words, my motivation to lose weight has seen me try every new one trick pony released on the market.

This time I’m trying something different. I’m trying HONESTY.

My motivation to lose weight, is to admit with all honesty, that deep down I am not happy with myself the way I am, and that perhaps there might be others out there who might want to join me on my challenge.

I am challenging myself to do P90X diligently for the next 90 days, without cheating, and to blog about it honestly every single day.

You may recall a work blog we did for P90X. My husband got some pretty ridiculous results. I didn’t. But my approach was half hearted. I didn’t diet properly, I still drank alcohol, I didn’t exercise every day – I was slack.

This time however is different. This time I will be sharing my journey with you.

And if you want to join me here, please be my guest. I would love to get to know your story.

2012 is the year that I finally commit to myself.

If you would like to commit to yourself too, feel free to come along for the ride!